


Walk a Thousand Miles in My Shoes (And When You Fall, I'll Be There to Catch You)

by MoonQueen17640



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, MS - Freeform, Multiple Sclerosis, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 03:24:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1589888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonQueen17640/pseuds/MoonQueen17640
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Fili was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) he thought that he had lost his chance at life and happiness, but through the love of his brother Kili, he can begin to learn how to stay strong in the face of pain and how to lean on someone for support and stability, even when the going gets rough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Walk a Thousand Miles in My Shoes (And When You Fall, I'll Be There to Catch You)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very emotional piece for me. My mother was diagnosed with progressive MS before I was born, and I've had to watch the progression of the illness all my life and watch the strongest woman I know succumb to this horrible disease. This is my story as much as it is Fili and Kili's and I hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you think!

The sun streamed through the windowpanes, illuminating the supple lines of skin and the streams of muscles of the two sleeping figures. One was curled around the other, protecting him even in sleep, lightly stroking the blond hair with lazy sleep-addled fingers. As the sun wormed its way through the room, the two figures began to wake, stretching sore limbs and awakening long dormant senses. The tall brunet was first to wake, racing quickly out of bed to stand in front of his shorter blond brother.

 “Fee…” he murmured, pushing back the blond locks with a tender touch, “Time to get up sweetheart. What do you want for breakfast?” the blond opened aqua blue eyes slowly, smiling contentedly at his brother. “Mmm… Ham and eggs? Thanks Kee. I’ll be there soon.” “Let me know if you need help,” Kili told him, shooting a reproachful glance over his shoulder before walking out into the kitchen. “Worrywort.” Fili muttered fondly before pulling off the covers, sighing at the sight of his blue and purple mottled leg. Rubbing feeling back into it as best he could, the blond grabbed the cane stationed next to his bed and took slow steps forward, vainly trying to pick his right leg up as best he could though his body fought him on every step.

 The clunking of the cane alerted Kili to his brother’s presence, the brunet throwing him a beaming smile before hurrying to pull out a chair for him at the table. “I’m fine, Kee,” Fili muttered, looking away, “You know you don’t need to do that for me.” Kili sighed, holding back the biting response that he so wanted to make. No matter how much pain Fili was in, he always tried to seem as strong as he possibly could. His walls were as thick as a fortress and just as impenetrable to outsiders.

 As Kili looked at his brother, he could see the echoes of memories from times before Fili’s diagnosis. When they would frolic in the sun and build blanket forts and hide from the world while sharing secrets and promises in childish whispers. Then everything had changed. What began as simple pain had morphed into MS. Multiple Sclerosis. Now Fili’s breakfast came with a platter of stark white pills and every step he took was labored and measured with grunts and gasps of pain. Kili could see age in his brother’s gaze that belied his years. He could see Fili’s regret and self-hatred in every blink and sense his discomfort at relying on his younger brother for all his needs. What the blond couldn’t see though was the love and the understanding in Kili’s eyes and how looking after his brother had become second nature. His life had always revolved around Fili, in every capacity possible, and it was no sacrifice to him. Fili was worth everything, no matter how much the blond doubted that to be true.

 “Here, Fee,” Kili prompted, handing his brother the plate of food and the pile of pills, his smile faltering as he watched the ease with which the blond downed the medicine. It was an accustomedness born of necessity, and one that Kili hated to be reminded about. Fili turned to look at his brother, extending his hand and smiling softly at him. “Come here, Kili. Take a break. Come sit.” Kili plopped down gratefully next to the blond, staring into his eyes and being instantly reminded why he did all that he did. A callused hand rasped over his knuckles, Kili blinking back into focus and linking his fingers with Fili’s. “What’re you thinking about, Kee? I can hear your brain burning.” Kili grinned, nudging his brother with one shoulder, “Dork.” Fili’s responding smile became a grimace, Kili tripping over himself as words of apology spewed out of his mouth. It was sometimes so easy to forget how fragile Fili was. “I’m so so sorry Fee, I totally forgot…” Fili silenced the brunet’s rambling with a soft kiss, tracing his brother’s lips with his tongue before pulling back to whisper, “I’m not made of glass, Kili. It’s not your fault. It’s never your fault.”

 Kili gave him a quick peck on the cheek before helping him pull back the chair and make his way slowly to the bathroom, keeping an eye on his face every step of the way. He could read every flicker of pain and every unspoken complaint, responding to his brother’s needs because he knew he would never ask for any help out loud. Fili despised feeling _lesser than_ and yet he didn’t know how much Kili admired his strength and his poise. He was perfect in Kili’s eyes, and though so much went unsaid between them, after spending so many years revolving around each other, both could read the other’s minute gestures and feel the love and support in each fleeting touch.

 As Kili helped his brother get ready for work, he watched his brother’s posture. It was always easiest to tell what kind of a mood Fili was in based off of the way he stood. If he was in minimal pain and wasn’t too frustrated with the limits of his body and his mobility, it was a good time to bring up more difficult topics. Kili forged ahead after spotting no fliches and hearing no aggravated growls. “Fee…? Can I ask you something?” The blond turned his blue eyes towards his brother, nodding his consent warily, “I’ve been reading… About a new medicine, Fee. It’s supposed to help manage pain and maybe even restore some mobility. I thought it might be worth a try… If we can afford it and you’re willing. Please, Fee?”

 Unshed tears glistened in Fili’s eyes as he listened to his brother, “Kili,” he murmured, “Nothing is going to cure me. You know this.” “Yes, but it might make you feel better day-to-day!” Kili interrupted, turning imploring eyes to Fili. “I just want you to be more comfortable, Fili.” As the blond stared at his brother, he could see everything that was going unsaid between the two of them, _“I’m sorry, it’s just so hard to care for you like I want to. I want a real job but I have to keep taking care of you. I love you Fee, but sometimes it’s too much, even for me.”_ A few tears spilled over his blue eyes as Fili nodded curtly, turning his face away to hide his shame and guilt from his little brother.

 “Fee?” Kili whispered, bending down to tilt the blond’s face back up. “Why are you crying, Fee?” “Kili…” Fili whispered brokenly, “You need to go live your own life. I’m holding you back. I can’t keep stifling you just to help me. You need to be able to do what you want to do. I can’t keep being your burden to bear.” Fili dissolved into tears, Kili’s heart breaking at the sight of his beautiful strong brother falling apart before him. Wrapping his arms around Fili and cradling him like a small child, Kili placed a kiss on his golden hair before responding, “Fee, ever since I was born you’ve cared for me. You’ve sacrificed so much for me, it’s only right that I do the same for you now that you need it most. You’re not a burden, Fee. I love you and always will. You’re my golden lion, and now it’s my turn to protect and care for you. You are my life, Fili. Please believe me. You are my everything…” Fili sobbed into his brother’s shirt, Kili rocking him slightly and continuing to stroke his hair. “We can talk more later, Fee. Let’s cuddle.”

 Leading the blond back to their bed, Kili gently scooped him up, carrying the smaller man to the edge of the bed and laying him down like a precious treasure before curling up beside him as they had done when they were children and stroking the pinpricks visible on Fili’s legs from his weekly self-administered shots. “I could never do what you do, Fee. You’re the strongest person I know. Your disease doesn’t make you less of a person. It makes you more of hero to me. Please don’t shut me out. I need you more than you know…” Fili leaned over to curl into Kili’s chest, “I love you, Kili,” he whispered, “I don’t know where I’d be without you.” Kili smiled into Fili’s hair, “You don’t have to think about that. Ever. I’ll always be here to pick you up when you fall, Fee. Always.”

 The sun played over their features, gently wiping away Fili’s tears and illuminating the amber in Kilil’s eyes. As time passed in cycles of action and inaction, the brothers stayed constant, wrapped up in each other, learning the courses of give and take, and how to fix something once thought to be broken. Though MS had been a curse, it had not been a death sentence, and through kisses and unrivaled love, even the worst physical pain could be forgotten in the place of sunshine and gentle touches.


End file.
